Well we have hit the two week mark! Two weeks until Casey’s official due date. I can’t believe how close we are…how far we have come. It seems like just yesterday that I was picking up the phone, heart pumping, to break the news to family, shopping for my first piece of maternity clothing, finding out ‘it’ was a ‘he’, marveling as my bump grew and grew….and grew. It’s been such a long, rewarding journey during which time I have learned and grown so much (figuratively and literally). Now, although it feels like we are nearing the end, it is really just the beginning.
These days, my attention is turned inward. I am focused on my center, on my core and my heart; concentrated on preparing myself for the big day and working to build up and reorganize my energy so I’m ready for when that first contraction hits. I’m packing and repacking my hospital bag and making lists of the last minute items we have to pick up before we can bring him home. Everything else is pretty much in place- all of his clothes are washed and sorted in the closet, his changing table is set up and all the drawers and cubbies are organized with everything new parents splurge on. His sleeper is in the exact right spot next to our bed and I keep worrying about silly things: “During midnight feedings do I change him first or feed him first?” and “Will he like us?” We are in the waiting game, just making sure everything is in place to welcome Casey home. Making sure everything is perfect for when we meet our son.
Our Son. It’s still an odd phrase on my tongue. This being who I have gotten to know so intimately over the past nine months and yet don’t really know at all is almost ready to be welcomed into the world; to set eyes on his mom and dad. It still seems surreal that we will be holding him to our chests and counting all of his fingers and toes in such a short amount of time. It hasn’t fully sunk in and I don’t expect it to until he is actually in my arms. I can’t believe that we are going to be parents and I don’t even worry about what kind of parents we will be because I know we will be great. Instead, I wonder what it will be like to look over on the couch and see Alex staring at his son, wonder how our lives will change as we incorporate this third being into our daily routine, what songs we will sing to him and what it will look like when he smiles. I imagine the peace that will settle over us in between the times of exhaustion and worry, when we will look at each other and marvel at this miracle that we have created.
My Son, I can not wait to welcome you,
With open arms and a warm heart,
To shield you and protect you,
And give you my all from the very start.
I already love you more than I imagine I could,
Already worry for you more than I should.
I crave you in the most tender way,
To kiss you and hold you each and every day.