If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders.
Today, while sitting in our rocking chair holding Casey as he fell asleep for a nap, I was looking through a few things I had written but never posted. I came across this passage and, really, I could have written it today and it would have read word for word as I wrote it then. Casey is beginning to exert his will more and while this is troubling and terrifying at times, it’s such an important developmental milestone. He’s just a complete wonder to watch and experience life with, even when we have moments that are trying or days that are tedious. So, here it is. Enjoy this small glimpse into this moment from about eight weeks ago:
“Today I sat in the rocking chair in Casey’s room for an hour and a half while he napped in my arms. I could have tried to gracefully transfer him into his bed, but he needed the sleep and I didn’t want to take the chance that he would wake up. He’s been getting over his cold and still has a bit of a cough. He has been unhappy and uncomfortable and when he finally fell asleep and I looked down right as he smiled at something in his dreams, I couldn’t bring myself to jeopardize the sleep he so desperately needed. That’s what we do as parents- allow our children’s needs to overtake our own comfort. Not that I was uncomfortable. I love our rocking chair and I knew there was a chance he would fall asleep so I had brought my book into his room with me. To be honest, I was happy to sit quietly with him in my arms. Before I know it he will be exploring his own independence, pulling away from me in order to do things for himself. And I will let him do this gratefully because that is an important part of growing up, gaining self-esteem and learning to trust your ideas, feelings and abilities. So today, I held him in my arms while I still can. I watched him smile and then grimace painfully, wondering what he was dreaming about. My love for him is unwavering and sometimes unbearable. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.